It’s been a long long time since I’ve had a post and there are many many reasons that I won’t go into now. The one reason I will touch on is my job, and my lack of job. Way back in January I was laid off and then proceeded to have a sizable professional mid-life crisis. After a couple of months and no answers I went out and got a job at Target to at least get working again and get off of unemployment. First lesson learned is that this was a terrible idea. I was actually making quite a bit more money on unemployment than what I was able to bring in working a full time job at Target. Sad but true. I have the utmost respect for anyone who works a job like that longterm and must rely on that income to support their family. As for me, my wife works a full time job and even with me working full time at Target we were struggling to pay all of our bills.
That brings me to the point of this post. What is it that is ingrained in the male brain that makes us still believe (for the most part) that it is our sole responsibility to be the provider (if not the only provider then at least the bigger provider)? After just a short time of working at Target – I think specifically it was when I looked at the number on my first paycheck – my self-esteem took a nosedive. All the hard work I was putting in was barely making a dent in our monthly expenses. On top of dealing with my professional situation (crappy job market not withstanding), I was feeling like even more of a complete failure because I couldn’t find a job that would sufficiently and comfortably help support my family. No one ever said it was my responsibility to do so, and my wife did not feel bad or inadequate that she didn’t make more money. It was all in my head. I was the big failure because I couldn’t provide us with the means to make ends meet.
Why Why Why did I feel this way? I still don’t know. Luckily for me, and for my family, I was finally able to find a good office job making the same salary as the previous job I was released from. My self esteem and my confidence are starting to return slowly, and the mental stability around my house has much improved on all fronts. Now don’t get me wrong here, I don’t feel like I need to be the only or even primary bread winner here, but I did feel like I wasn’t pulling my weight (so-to-speak). If my wife made enough money that I didn’t have to work at all, I’d be a stay-at-home dad in a heartbeat and have no problem at all with it.
Money truly is the root of all evil. And I’ve always felt that whoever coined the phrase “money can’t buy happiness” was probably filthy rich. Now to be fair, I don’t think money can buy you happiness, but what it can do is buy you the peace of mind to be able to pursue happiness. Show me someone who isn’t constantly worried about how they’re going to pay all of their bills and make ends meet, and I’ll show you someone who is carefree and has a mind clear enough to follow their dreams and pursue whatever hobby tickles their fancy.
Anyhow, I’m back now and hopefully will be able to start making some quasi-regular contributions again to this blog.
Comments are always welcome, and as always thanks for reading.