The man behind the man behind the man

As a wise man once said, “You know, Mrs. Buckman, you need a license to buy a dog, to drive a car – hell, you even need a license to catch a fish. But they’ll let any butt-reaming asshole be a father.”

Hi my name is Chris and I’m a new dad. OK not like yesterday new, or even last week. My daughter (Nora as she will henceforth be known) is closing in on 7 months old. However, considering she is going to be in my house for another seventeen and a half years, I think I still qualify as new. But I’m getting ahead of myself here.

(by the way, if you want to skip the setup and get right to the part about why I’m writing this whole thing, just drop down about 4 more paragraphs…it’s ok, I won’t be offended)

My wife (henceforth known as Michelle or Shelly)and I went to dinner one night at our favorite Bar and Grill. Truthfully it was more bar than grill but they did have good food, and it was only a mile from our house. It was there over burgers and beer ($2.50 Red Stripe, all day every day…can’t beat that with a stick), that she told me we would be parents. After the shock wore off things pretty much went back to normal (moreso for me I suppose). Neither one of us was really grasping the gravity of it all at that point. Plus Shelly didn’t experience any of the usual indicators. No cravings. Nice. No morning sickness. Score! Like I said, things seemed pretty normal.

Everything sunk in very slowly. After we made the announcement, we got lots of phone calls, pats on the back, and words of wisdom from our friends who already had kids. Michelle started flipping through baby books and magazines like it was her job. Honestly though, until Nora popped out and took her first breath, I didn’t really feel like I was involved all that much in what was going on..you know, aside from being partly responsible for what we were about to get in to. Shelly was a bit annoyed with me at times because I wasn’t reading up on all of the stacks of books we had about the birthing process, parenting, and so on.

But that all changed the day Nora joined the family. I was a dad now! What did I know about being a dad? Squat! And those books I had been casually skimming through? Worthless. Unless your (and by your I mean your wife’s) birthing process goes exactly like the person writing said book, it’s not worth the paper it’s printed on. And apparently, according to many of these books, as soon as you get the kid home your job is pretty much done.

(jumpers start reading here)

As a thinking man’s asshole once said, “I don’t want to get on a rant here”, but where’s the dad advice? Come on dads you know what I’m talking about. Pick up any issue of Parents, American Baby, Parenting, etc. and look at the table of contents. I’ll bet you all the money in my pocket that 3-4 of the feature articles include the word “mom” right there in the title. One (maybe one) refers to dad by name. That one usually focuses on things like “give mom a break and take baby for a walk.” Even the articles directed toward the parent collective still tend to give Mom the nod.

Infuriated by this state of affairs, I turned to the internets for help. Dad blogs? Oh there’s TONS of dad blogs out there, but guess what? They all suck! Well ok maybe that’s not entirely fair. There’s probably some good info out there if you are a stay-at-home dad. There’s some good blogs out there if you enjoy reading about and seeing pictures of other people’s kids. But there’s not much practical advice out there at all, at least if you are an average every day dad who is fully involved in the whole child-rearing process.

I will give credit where credit is due, there is one pretty solid blog out there called Metrodad, though I have a hard time taking anyone who lives in San Francisco seriously. And so here we are. Taking matters into my own hands, I’m setting out on my own to hopefully provide the “common dad” with some practical advice, pointers, product recommendations and reviews, music, toys, and everything a hip and modern dad needs to survive this thing called fatherhood.

UPDATE: Where in the world is Metrodad?

Metrodad was kind enough to correct me regarding his place of origin. It seems he is actually from NYC. I’m not sure that’s helping your case Metrodad! (just kidding). Thanks for reading and keep the comments comming

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2 thoughts on “The man behind the man behind the man

  1. Advice? pointers? what do you think this? school for wannbe Dads? Be a man, suck it up and tough it out 🙂

    Now that we have the chest-thumping out of the way ( very much the way MY dad was with us kids), I can offer a few bits of advice.

    Since I have one girl who is 18 and in college, one girl at 3 years of age and one at 16 months, I think I have a bit experience in this arena.

    One… you will never be able to help the better half enough. Even if you have the kids all day by yourself, it wont be “enough”. So deal with it and just help because you know it’s the right thing to do.

    Two.. dads who are not involved will despise you for they will feel guilty and/or they will catch a load from their other halves. Ignore them, they are really not worth the effort and they will have their payback in the coming years. (cats cradle ring any bells?)

    If you have daughters, dont treat them with kid gloves. Toss them around, run with them, knock them (gentle, no broken bones), let them use you as a jungle gym. It will build their confidence like nothing else. If you have sons, forget the “he-man” rearing method. We have enough jerks in the world without adding more.

    It’s late and 5am is too damn early…

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